Yes. Good.

After I study for and complete all of my exams and the glorious semester break begins, I know exactly how I'm spending it. I'll probably go out and socialise for a bit, maybe even do some drawings or a painting here and there. But mainly I'll be replaying the entire Mass Effect trilogy, completing all of the tiny side quests and doing everything perfect so that I have the highest military strength and get the super duper perfect ending. I think only then can I put that damn game behind me and move on. No, I don't have a psychological problem with this game. Not at all. 

The Normandy Crew

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER JACOB. 

There needs to be another one with Miranda.

 Before Shepard: Uppity bitch-faced ho

After Shepard: Dead uppity bitch-faced ho

CANT STOP WONT STOP

I. Can't. With. These. Two. Anymore. And fuck it, I'm losing my shit over a fictional cross-species pairing in a video game but fuck it, I have interests and I'm going to obsess as much as I damn well please. Can some other female just play the damn game so I have someone to vent with about all of my Shepard/Garrus feelings?

Gamer Advice

Galactic Love

I apologise for all the Mass Effect content I've been posting lately. That trilogy is making me lose control of my life. But let's be honest, if you were smart enough to play it, you wouldn't have this problem. I just wanted to add how awkward the romance was in my latest play through. I romanced Kaiden because I couldn't romance Garrus in ME1 which resulted in a framed photo of Kaiden in Shepard's cabin, which only resulted in more awkward horror when I brought Garrus up there for some lovin'. Then in ME2 I had to admit to Kaiden I had been cheating on him with Garrus after he gave me the suspicious sly eye. In ME3 Kaiden still wanted to get back together with Shepard and then I accidentally activated the romance dialogue with Liara. This resulted in three separate dates on the Citadel where I had to reject Kaiden and Liara just so I could I assure Garrus I was a "one-turian kind of woman." Gotta respect Bioware for making the social scenarios so realistic but, fuck. 

NOPE

Come on man. We all know there is one thing that is good about Miranda.

How Mass Effect 3 Should Have Ended

YES. IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED JUST LIKE THIS PICTURE. Although I'd swap Miranda for Thane any day. His death was so emotional and whereas with Miranda's I was left yelling "DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FUCK SHEPARD IN THE ASS, MIRANDA? DO YOU SEE?" at the TV screen, with Thane's I was left making a snot and tears cocktail out of my face. 

I mean, you spend his last dying moments reading prayers for him with his son by his death bed only to realise after he dies that he was really praying for you. Meanwhile Bioware laughs manically from above like, "YOU'RE TEARS ARE DELICIOUS."

Best thing that came out of Miranda's death was Tali getting drunk to soothe her wounds and calling her drinking straw an "Emergency induction port". Shepard says very kindly, "That's a straw" only to be met with a furious, "EMERGENCY. INDUCTION. PORT." 

I beat ME3 again after starting from ME1 properly this time. I still didn't get the exact perfect ending; I chose to destroy the Reapers instead of control them with 2690 effective military strength. It resulted in the Reapers dying, Earth being saved and Shepard dying in a blast of glory. But Garrus survived, so, you know. I left the game feeling infinitely more cheerful than last time where everyone I loved died. I still have trouble not spiralling into depression every time I hear this song though,

GPOY

You better believe if my house was under siege, I'd be getting absolutely trashed. Cersei may be evil but she understands. 

MPDG: Manic Pixie Dream Girl

You know what I'm talking about. That archetypal female character who swoops in via rainbow glitter fairy wings and brightens the life of a depressed/brooding/bored straight white male with her quirk, her whimsy, her child-like wonder and eccentric antics. They are everywhere in films, damaging both male and female perceptions on what we either want or want to be. Here are some of the most prominent and annoying MPDG's:

Summer Finn from 500 Days of Summer. Featured in this photo probably day dreaming of making origami swans with Ringo Star while drinking chai tea fused with a pureed vinyl of The Smiths. 

Sam from Garden State. Look at that manic smile; I'm assuming she just realised how cool it would be to name her pet hamster after the lead singer of The Shins and later sing her own rendition of their greatest hits on an ocarina at his funeral. She'll probably burn him and send him out to sea like a viking because damn that's edgy.   

Claire from Elizabethtown; deemed by many to be the very first Manic Pixie Dream Girl. 

I don't have a problem with quirky girls or any of the interests that these characters have. I have my own little quirks and my own sense of individuality that I proudly and probably obnoxiously show off at times. I have my moments where I think everyone else isn't worth a damn compared to my special snowflake ways and nothing, nay, nothing makes me happier than cheering my boyfriend up with something silly or childish. 

My main issue with the MPDG archetype that is so prevalent in media at the moment (they made a TV show based on it called The New Girl), is that it's teaching guys to look out for the seemingly perfect girl who turns their whole world upside down, shakes the very core of their being and that their girlfriends are there purely to serve as a life-brightener. Conversely, it's teaching females that they need to be consistently joyful, sparky, fun, playful in order to be the girl of every guys dreams.

None of these MPDG's have no real history or background or personal troubles at all. They seem to take very little from their male counterpart and just give, give, give this constant source of light and fun. They're essentially wise and enlightening Buddha's in these guys lives, only sexy and on crack. When does the guy cheer them up or influence their life in any way? I have caught myself and my lady friends out on this when we've expressed guilt for 'burdening' our boyfriends with our issues because we feel the need to be the 'fun, cheerful' girlfriend who doesn't nag or complain when we're having a rough time. Well, that's completely unrealistic. We have our own lives and thus we have our own issues and rough times so why is it so hard for film writer's to include that in these characters? 

It's more realistic and it's more relatable. Girlfriend's can't always just be this vessel of supernatural exuberance and adventure. We need days where we just sit on the couch and think, "Fuck. Life can really goddamn suck" too. So I hate that this image is constantly being promoted as the most desirable female character. I've even heard male friends say, "Man I want a girl like that. So cute and so happy all the time" after seeing a movie featuring a MDPG. 

I think Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind made a great jab at this MPDG expectation,

"I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

I have yet to encounter a male stereotype that is comparable to the MPDG. Perhaps the broody, mysterious and protective archetype we see in a lot of male characters could qualify. Difference being is that there are a myriad of diverse male characters in cinema whereas with females, most of the time we get either the MPDG, evil seductress or the badass who is essentially just a male character only with a vagina. 

So, dearest film industry and media, please stop with the manic pixie dream girl and start giving us a few more realistic girl characters.  

Art Dino

"So that fancy jewelry was maybe a little out of your price range, but how about some life-sized dino sculptures for your yard? Now on sale starting at a mere $39,999.99!"

Urgh, why is life always thwarting my attempts at being an eccentric billionaire with dinosaur sculptures lining my 5km long driveway? 

Joffrey

Damn boy, you shine up nicely. Still satan grade evil though, even if his twitter account is winning me over. 

This is Relevant to My Life

Sick and Tired

Urgh. Coming down with a brutal cold and I still have four sessions of research participation and two exams to study for at University. The cherry on top of this ass pie is that Dad is spending half of his day nagging me to finish four caricatures for his work mates in two days. Sure Dad, why not? I'll just jump in my goddamn Tardis and sail back a week to give myself enough time to do all of it. Sir Timing, I do cordially invite you to go fuck yourself. This week has so far been awful and it's only Wednesday. 

On the plus side, Dan and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary soon. Tradition dictates we do something special for it but that requires two resources that I often lack; time and money. Ideally, I'd love to go to the beach for three solid days and just do the regular beach activities; swimming, battling the waves of Poseidon, building sand castles or sand dicks, getting some colour in my skin and throwing washed up jelly fish at Dan. 

In other news, I was instrumental in finding a certain special ring for a friend of mine. There's going to be a wedding at some point. I hope to God there is. Booze, dancing, food, pretty clothing, all centered around the beautiful concept of eternal love. I have a fire in my heart for weddings so profoundly intense it could probably kill a man. 

SCORE!

My brother, who has always been borderline misogynistic, surprised the hell out of me last night. We were watching Game of Thrones and Cersei was getting drunk and seething on screen, as she does. Normally my brother values women who are quieter, subservient and precious. He's usually always shown disdain for women who are assertive or hold strong vocal opinions or show any "traditional" masculine traits. We frequently argue about the oppression of women or the unfair standards they are sometimes held to. So when he said, "You know, a lot of people hate Cersei and call her a bitch but she's no worse than Tywin or Stannis. If she was a male character, people wouldn't complain as much. I think it's because women are always supposed to be nice and compassionate or passive and they cop shit when they don't act that way. It really bugs me", I sort of -

I hugged his head with my arms and cooed, "OH MY GOD, LUKEY. YOU JUST HAD YOUR FIRST BIG FEMINIST BREAKTHROUGH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU." He was not pleased. 

Mass Effect 30 Day Challenge

Day Two: Favourite Male Companion(s)

Garrus is my number one companion because he is always snipin', scopin' and poppin'. He's an elite fighter, funny as hell and he's one of the only characters who is by Shepard's side from the beginning to the end. He didn't judge her for joining Cerberus, just made sure he was there to help and give the Collectors hell regardless of what people thought of the organization. Garrus is Shepard's best bro whether you're male Shepard or female Shepard, but he's also the best romance option for femshep. None of the other romance cut scenes, especially in ME3, have a scene where a character is so supportive, comforting and uplifting to Shepard when she's dealing with the stress of being the HMIC of leading the war against the end of the Universe. You pick some of the other companions for a saucy sex scene but you pick Garrus if you want a really unique relationship for your character based on strong mutual trust and respect - and reach and flexibility apparently. 

Mordin is one of the best companions even if he is only so in ME2. Nobody stays calm and logical during combat quite like Mordin; "Close combat. PROBLEMATIC." He's a freaking genius and he's consistently called in to solve scientific road blocks that are hindering the mission. He invented a resistant field against seeker swarms and cured the genophage - he's like the Hermione Granger of the team. Not a combat badass but if you didn't have his brains on your side, you may as well just fucking dive head first into a Reaper. And he sings Gilbert and Sullivan. HE SINGS GILBERT. AND. SULLIVAN.